Ten things I’ve learned from being an Amazon shopper

They say to continue to grow, I need to step out of my comfort zone and start writing differently, the term ‘Flash Fiction’ keeps popping up as something I ‘need’ to do – even learning how to ‘vlog’ should be on my to-do list. I don’t know if I will ever be able to vlog, even pod-casting freaks me out. Could you imagine how incoherent that would be? I ramble enough in print AFTER editing it down. Sharing my thoughts here seems to be ‘raw’ enough. So for now, I’m taking it nice and slow out of my comfort zone and doing a top 10 list.


I asked Darren the other day what type of top 10 he thought I would be able to do, ‘what topic do I even know 10 things?’


1. 10 ways to be driven crazy by your husband before 8am
2. 10 steps to the perfect Full Body Eye Roll
3. 10 euphemisms for Sweet Husband when you really want to call him something else
4. 10 ways to tell your husband he is not funny and to seriously brain storm with you


Dude, I would rock those lists – but how embarrassing that there are only 4, not even 10. I can’t even do 10 hilarious sarcasm lists. *ugh*


And then it hit us both. My Amazon shopping addiction.


I began my love affair with Amazon way back in 2008. Sweet Mary Mother of Science, it has changed my life. I think I could do a top 10 list for the Prime Video, Prime Music and the Amazon Rapids too – it all seems to be exactly what this family needs. So, here you go…the top 10 things I have learned from being an Amazon shopper…

1. Free shipping does NOT mean free returns.  Man oh man; I learned this the hard way. I recommend noting if the product has free returns. Its Murphy’s Law that the one thing I buy that DOES NOT have free returns is the one thing I end up needing to return. What the heck?


2. Check for a ‘No Rush Shipping’ incentive. Sometimes you can get a couple bucks off your next order. The question is… can I wait a few more days? Dude, my instant gratification persona can barely handle 2 days. It’s embarrassing, really.


3. The ‘new and used’ button could save you moolah. That might not be the only listing for that exact bottle of shampoo, sometimes there are different Amazon sellers with the same product for a little cheaper….it doesn’t hurt to check it out.


4. I could spend days reading reviews and Q & A. Grab your popcorn – this is good stuff.


5. For the love of Pete, check the size chart. Twice and then maybe once more just to be sure. Seriously.


6. If you can find a phone number for customer service, keep it.  That thing is gold.  Do not lose that number.


7. Measure AND look at the pictures folks put in their reviews. I know it says 6’ and in your brain that means 6 feet, I hear you. But that missing second tic mark could be a typo and you’ll end up with a 6 inch feather duster instead of the one you need to reach that darn ceiling fan.


8. Just because there IS 2 day shipping does not make something that is out of stock magically appear. I wish it did too, but it doesn’t work that way. I hear you; you ordered it yesterday and it won’t be delivered for another 2 weeks. I feel your pain. I usually miss it when they mention it in the items description too.


9. Reviews. Totally worth mentioning again. Not only can they be flippin’ hilarious but they are tremendously helpful. So is the ‘Customers who viewed this item also viewed’ section. I was looking for an icepack to help with my migraines the other day and when I looked at the ‘also viewed’ I found a much better solution than the route I was going. Yay-zies.


10. My UPS person is a bad ass. Seriously. The guy who delivered a new bumper for my car & Jack-Jack’s bed is freaking amazing. Yup, I ordered Jacks bed off Amazon and the mattress. Freaking awesome.


11. Ok, ok, ok. I know I said I would just talk about 10 things that I’ve learned. And I also know I’ve talked about reviews twice already. Wait…does that mean that my 3 mentions of the review section is really only one and I owe you one more? Wait, what? Uhhhh…there is that confusing math mumbo jumbo again. I’m sticking with being at #11; look at that, a bonus ‘top thing’….you’re welcome.


Back to #11….Maybe it wasn’t Amazon that changed my life, maybe just the review section. I don’t get reviews when I’m picking out a new pillow at the Triple B. Or maybe it’s the review people. I adore review people. I just love that there is a guy that reviewed the $5 pillow telling me, ‘It’s a POS $5 pillow, what exactly did you expect’.


Thank you for the truth bomb Pillow Guy, thank you.


thank you Mr. UPS Guy

thank you Mr. UPS Guy

Why, where do your new car bumpers come from?

Why, where do your new car bumpers come from?


Jack Jack's new bed

Jack Jack’s new bed


5 thoughts on “Ten things I’ve learned from being an Amazon shopper

  1. Pingback: There’s an App for THAT but Not… | Schroeder Family in Progress

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