These last few weeks of summer break I have been trying to fit in as much fun as humanly possible. School starts in a couple days and although I am a crazy lunatic by 5pm from turning off lights and serving ‘snack’ 37 times a day, I’m gonna miss my sweet monkeys. I mean, who else is going to follow me around for a solid 2 hours with a squeaky rubber ducky?
Side note to My Sweet Lovie: your stamina and dedication to ‘the squeak’ amazes me. Kid, you are going places with that kind of commitment to your cause. You, My Love, are a bad ass.
Side note to self: For the Love of Pete, stop buying squeaky rubber duckies.
Anyway, where was I?
Ah yes, avoiding responsibilities with a bucket full of fun….
So… with me trying to cram these last few days with a few more giggles & memories, I’m coming up short on my to-do list. I’ve been thinking of the bazillion apps I need to help me. Of course not actually cleaning the floors or buying the school clothes – that’s crazy talk.
I would pay just about anything for an app on my phone that will do the laundry for me or one that will empty the dishwasher. Yes, I realize that we might be a few years away from that kind of technology.
But in following the theme of avoiding laundry and dirty grout, I have put together a list of like 30 REAL APPS that I need someone to invent for me. I’ll spare you from discussing the one (or 20) that are about my need for Mr. Sketch & Sharpie Marker organization and leave you with the top 4:
Number One: Reconcile my credit card to my amazon account – Remember that movie about the guy who made millions from taking 1 penny out of every bank account? Dude, if you were to take 20 bucks from my credit card with the merchant name of ‘Amazon’ I would never be the wiser. Reconciling my credit card to my Amazon purchases can be a full time job and I just need an app to do it for me. My heart and bookkeeping skills were much happier when I was buying Amazon gift cards from the grocery store to get bookoo fuel points. I was getting my credit card miles, a bazillion fuel points, AND zero charges on my credit card from different amazon fulfillment centers or their 3rd party sellers. It was pure bliss. Siri, how do you spell ‘bookoo’?
Two: What Slurpees are where – I can’t believe this isn’t a thing. In this day and age I am really expected to either drive to every 7-11 or call every 7-11 to see if they have Lemonade Slurpees? Who has time for that? Well, funny story, I did – when I was 19 and could spend my day driving all over the state looking for Lemonade Slurpees. Yes, I do love my first world problems and I also love this being in my top 4 list of apps I need. Life is good, but not so good where I want to walk into every 7-11 in the tri-state area. Wait, does Colorado even have a tri-state area? Can everywhere be in a tri-state area if you make the ‘area’ big enough? My Sweet Siri can tell me what a tri-state area is…I’ll be right back….
Three: Where is the closest case of strep – Darren says this one would drive me absolutely bonkers. I say this one will be exactly what I need – especially with school right around the corner. If there was something that could alert me when there is a confirmed case of strep throat within a 1 mile radius of the house, with maybe the alert sound being the JAWS theme song…oooh! AND THEN, go ahead and set up an appointment at the doctor’s office for the 5 strep cultures I’m going to need, and THEN – order the antibiotics… Ok, I see why this might be a bad idea; I’d never sleep again, would I? Ugh. Please hold while I ask Siri where the closest place to buy disinfectant wipes is and then end up asking Alexa to get some for me because the idea of going out into the germ infested world is starting to make me itch…you know me too well.
And Finally Four: My calendar working with your calendar – Seriously. I don’t need my calendar reminding me that I need to make a dentist appointment; I actually need my calendar to talk to the dentists’ calendar and just take care of it. Wanna know who knows when I’m available and when my dentist is available? Our calendars. Why do I have to get involved? I think my calendar is ready, we have had such an amazing relationship these last 500 years and I trust it to make the right decision. You can do this, Buddy – I believe in you.
Alexa? Do me a favor & race Siri to build me my 4 apps, pretty please? Oh, you two aren’t talking to each other? Ugh. Add that to my list of apps I need.
I guess I will continue to send emails/love notes to my beloved Amazon, 7-11 and CDC. 20 bucks says the CDC peeps rolls their eyes every time they see my emails. Maybe they have a ‘days since the crazy lady emailed us’ poster in their office?
What apps do you need?