I’ve figured it out. I’ve decided that Darren doesn’t actually go out of town. I would bet the farm that he is just sitting at the fancy hotel down the street, living like a king, ordering room service and lounging by the pool. I swear he does this just to prove a point. Well, a couple points…Point number one, I appreciate everything my husband does for me. Point number two, I can do things…turns out I CAN take out the trash. Worst realization ever.

 
Chaos always ensues while Darren is out of town. Some days I might as well just fall flat on my face straight out of bed, cut out the middleman, save myself some time.

 
It’s time for me to accept this => This is going to be hard. Suck it up buttercup.

 

 

These are the weeks where I have to stop and just focus on the positive. Instead of focusing on how there are 5 million legos all over the floor and we are all searching for a specific one, I need to focus on the fact that we are all hanging out together, right? That’s the positive spin? Instead of focusing on having to lug everyone to Maddie’s ortho appointment I need to focus on the fact that while we are all waiting, Maddie is helping Jack-Jack with his math homework, right?

 

Ok, I can do this. Focus on the positive.

 
When does Darren get back? Oy.

 
One of my favorite things to do while Darren is out of town is taking the kiddos to school, however late we may be.

 
Is it true that the last time Darren was out of town and we were running so late that I had to sign everyone into class? Yes.

 
And what did this mother of the year write in the teeny tiny space that is provided for the reason for everyone’s tardiness? Yup, I wrote – as small as I could…. ‘I do not have my shit together today, I have failed as a mother and I will try again tomorrow.’

 
I think it was a little on the unethical side when my therapist rolled her eyes when I told her about that.

 
Whatevs.

 
Where was I?

 
Oh yes, taking the kids to school.

 
I just love the mornings where I can take my cup of coffee and I can chat with the kiddos about what they want to do today. Seeing them excited to Carpe the heck out of this Diem is inspiring. Yelling out of the car window ‘I love you, make good choices, be kind to your friends!’ makes me happy.

 

But the mornings where we get in the car flustered?  Bleh. I do not care for those mornings. Darren can keep those.

 
Sometimes when I do use my superpowers for good and not evil (aka: I can take a deep breath), I stop the car.

 
Yes, we are going to stop the car today. We need this. I need this.

 
‘…ok, here is what’s going to happen, My Loves. We are all going to get out of this car, we are going to get back in that house and shake off whatever this is…’

 

 

Now, as long as I can do this, as long as I can keep this light and just wiggle and shake and look like a maniac – I can shake out of these kiddos, and out of me, this fluster.

 
It’s true.

 
So. I guess the point of this whole ramble is this…

 
If you see my car parked on the side of the road and I’m just jumping around looking like I’m on fire, well one, will you be a dear and quadruple check that I’m not really on fire? Thanks.

 
And two, it just means Darren is out of town, I miss him terribly and I don’t do very well without him. The chaos and fluster is trying to suffocate me in my car and I had to shake it out. I just need to let go and shake it all out.