Not My Circus

Ok, ok, ok. Just listen for a second….don’t freak out…stay with me…


I like being old. (gasp)


Yes, sometimes I do miss 20 something me. She was adorable. She had great skin, the metabolism of whatever has great metabolism, and this naturally highlighted hair that I would pay money for.  Scratch that, I do pay money for.  But dude, she worried so much about what other people thought of her.  I wish I could go see her & slap her upside the head.  Tell her to snap out of it.  I remember this one woman, she gave me the stink eye…or maybe the sun was in her eyes?  I just lost it.  I made this woman my life.  Showing her that I was cool, there must have been some misunderstanding.  You must like me, why wouldn’t someone like me?  Is there something wrong with me?  Why? Why? Why? And then I would end up in the fetal position crying in my closet because this lady now thinks I’m totally off my meds and a wack-a-doodle.


*sigh* rinse and repeat.


Over and over this type of thing happened. I’m yelling at the Hubs…’but, but, but I’m a good person babe, why doesn’t she want to go to the book signing with me?!?’  It would consume me.


The only logical thing was to show this one lady that squinted in my direction one time, show her I’m a bad ass. Right?  Totally logical.


Ugh. Exhausting


See? We need to smack that younger Sarah upside the head.  Because here’s the thing…I can turn around, walk away, and not give it a second thought. I can.  Watch.


I realized this just the other day. I was witnessing a group of people getting all worked up over bananas (ok, it wasn’t really bananas…but this is my story to tell – I have no business telling their story, I’m an effin’ lady)


Ok, where was I?


Oh yes, bananas…


Seriously, getting all worked up. Over bananas.  Like ‘Did you see the size of those bananas?’  ‘Who buys green bananas’?


Watch what I did…..Watch…Are you watching?


I smiled, I got up, I walked away and went about my day.


It was that easy. It was beautiful.  And by golly, it felt good.


*not my circus, not my monkeys*


I’m not judging. Seriously.  If you want to talk about bananas to someone other than the bananas outside of the privacy of your own home, go for it.  But have I found that bananas have feelings and they may have been having a personal crisis going on or they just got some bad news and didn’t see you wave.  Or maybe they were thinking about a presentation they have to do in front of all the other bananas and were deep in thought when they didn’t hear you say ‘Good Morning’.  Or maybe they just caught their significant other in bed with a kiwi? (I’ve taken the banana thing too far, haven’t I?)


Anyway. It felt good to just walk away.  To not worry about what they thought of me.  It was pretty empowering.  I didn’t care what the banana slammin’ people thought of me walking away.  Right?!  I was surprised too!  Sarah not caring what others thought of her?  Cray.


I’m starting to believe what my mom said (and what I say to my own kids)…it’s not my problem. I can’t make someone like me. Lord knows I’ve tried.  It’s degrading and it doesn’t work.  Did it take me 30 plus years to figure it out even though everyone ALWAYS says ‘Walk away Schroeder.’?  Ugh.  Pathetically I have to say yes.


Is this really about me getting old? Maybe.  It seems like it.  I think it took my ‘old lady exhaustion’ and a monstrosity of a to-do list the other day for this to happen.


But seriously Dude. You should try it.  It was gorgeous, absolutely marvelous. Promise you’ll tell me if you did/do? I’d love to hear about it.

I don't know if we should keep the bananas and kiwis so close to each other

I don’t know if we should keep the bananas and kiwis so close to each other


11 thoughts on “Not My Circus

  1. This made me smile 😊 I often think about my 20 somethng self and go, “Oh god! (Hand, forehead, slap) “, because A.) She was thin and ate like a lorry driver (see my post, The D Word) and B. ) She was a bloody idiot and I’m glad to see the (very toned and sexy) back of her- good riddance! So thank you for this…the present day me is definitely an upgrade. Good luck in everything! 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Yeeeeaaah…I agree. It’s like some of us take all the hurt and bs from our childhood and teens and drag it into our 20s where we are supposed to be “adults,” and all falls apart in some ways. For me, this lasted until late 30s and I’ve just recently (in the past 4-5 years) decided who cares, really? Bananas have their own issues (high in potassium, high carbs, etc.) so I’ll just tend to my own 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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